Modest is Hottest!

Spring has sprung. It is still cool and crisp in the morning but the daytime temps have been 70-80 degrees. Yesterday was toasty! Kee Kees came home from school and told me, "a girl at school was wearing a shirt without ANY sleeves, not even spaghetti straps Mom, it just had a rope around the neck!" (I think it may have been a halter top)

She then said emphatically, "just because it's HOT doesn't mean you have to dress immodestly!!"

Thankfully she didn't say that to her classmate, but we're glad to know wear she stands on the matter! We're trying to teach our kids standards of modesty while emphasizing that different people have different standards and we shouldn't judge.

This little girl knows where she stands when it comes to fashion AND modesty!! (She walked out in this outfit and said proudly, "see Mom, I made it modest by putting a shirt on underneath".

"I Will"

I made this DVD to show at our church young women's "New Beginnings" program last night. This is a slideshow of pictures we took on a sunrise hike with the girls. They all signed a banner pledging to "Be Strong and of a Good Courage" (Joshua 1:9 - our 2010 theme) in the coming year. I'm not gonna lie, it was pretty awesome! I have 32 of the cutest girls ever who truly stand STRONG everyday!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for:

Her,

and her,

and her,

and her,

and him.



Happy Thanksgiving.

Beautiful to Him

I made this video to show during a lesson I taught at church on standards. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the message of this song.

Seventeen Years and Counting

I love this man.

So, on our anniversary, I took him on a picnic to the beach...with his surfboard. He thinks it doesn't get much better than that.

Guess how long we've been married. :)

This was only about a month after surgery so I was still moving pretty slow and sitting in this chair hurt my back, A LOT. When I look at this picture, I can tell I was in pain. Maybe just because I can remember. Anyway, it was still an awesome day. We had homemade sub sandwiches on whole wheat buns, Pringles, grapes and Guarana with fresh oranges in goblets (which incidentally aren't allowed on the beach...no glass, oops).

I love Guarana because loverboy LOVES it. He loves it because it reminds him of his mission in Brazil. He loves anything having to do with Brazil and therefore, so do I.

We will live there some day. You'll see.

I can't wait.

Later that night, we had an awesomely romantic dinner at Chart House. What made it even better, was that we had a coupon. Loverboy loves coupons because I do.

Happy anniversary babe!

'Shower Fresh Secret', We're Through and Back to School Feast and Fashion Show

Tomorrow it will have been TWO months since my last blog post. Pathetic, I know. But as it turns out, being a real person again, one who doesn't just lie in bed all day popping pills and having my food brought to me, is rather exhausting. I didn't get out of bed a moment too soon though. If one more person had come into my room and told me how nice they think it would be to lie in bed all day watching movies and reading.....well, I may have grabbed my cane and done some serious damage. Don't get me wrong, being in bed for four months, and in pain pretty much the entire time was a BARREL of fun!! I think you all should try it. It does wonders for that perspective we all try so hard to gain.

My mother taught me that the word "suck" was not a nice word and highly un-ladylike. I agree. If I heard one of my daughters say it, I would wash her mouth out with soap. Really yucky tasting soap. That is precisely why they will not be allowed to read this blog post and if they do (Ash), consider yourself warned.

I had a rather sucky summer. I'm sorry, it had to be said. It was, and I'm not taking it back. Sorry Mom. I guess I could say stinky but that just doesn't convey how I really feel about it. 'Hellish' would work but isn't that a little worse? Although it's just a place right? Hell, that is. A really horrible, terrible, awful place....which again seems applicable. Anyway, the other day I found this in my closet-

Looks pretty innocent huh?

pH balanced, shower fresh Secret.

Well, I went to put it on and a seriously almost...hmmm.....searching for a ladylike word for yakked. How about, I nearly became sick to my stomach. Yes, that sounds much better.

With just a small whiff of that deodorant, I was mentally back in bed, in misery and really needing a shower to boot.

I couldn't believe how sick the smell made me. It instantly transported me back to those miserable months in bed. So good-bye forever 'shower fresh Secret'. I now despise you and will never buy or wear you again! It's nothing you did, it just has to be over. No, we can't even be friends.

Well then, I have a lot to blog about. Even during my highly unpleasant 4 months in bed there were some highlights. Like a fun visit from some of the Powell cousins, my sis Karie, and Grandma Fae, an amazing back yard pedicure and five fabulous and laughter filled days with the Crooks. Post surgery there was our 17th anniversary, the first day of school, a family outing to see 'Wicked', a new baby born into the family (sorta), a surprise 40th birthday trip and Keeks' 5th birthday. I have my blogging work cut out for me.

But alas, I'm in the mood to blog about our annual Back to School Feast and Fashion Show. I know it'll be out of order. Deal with it.

Our china and 12 layer jello are a must for this occasion!

After much thought and consideration as to what our theme for the coming school year should be, we decided that what we were thinking of sounded a lot like the church youth theme for the year so we just went with that! Dani heard someone in church talking about the scripture "Be Thou an Example" and she leaned over excitedly and said, "Mommy, that's our theme!"

Pot roast, onion roasted potatoes and carrots. Yum.

Nana and Papa joined us for our feast which made it EXTRA special. After dinner, we were treated to chocolate cake and then a 'first day of school outfit' fashion show~

Keeks in a blue skirt, pink shirt and some rockin' hot pink high tops!

Dani knows how to work her black leggings, multi-colored shirt and red Converse!

Mak, ever the fashionista, in her colorful peasant top, jeans and cute gray vans!

Too bad I didn't save my skinny jeans from the 80's cuz they're back in! And boy does Ash look cute in them! Adorable blouse and shoes complete the outfit she found with Nana...and all of it on sale! Woo Hoo!

Four beautiful girls ready to start school!

After feast and fashion show came the best part, Father's Blessings. Daddy and Papa gave all the girls, including the oldest girl in the house (yes, me) a blessing to start out the new school year. They were absolutely beautiful and by the end, I was in tears. How grateful I am for the righteous men in my life.

Progress, not Perfection

Went to my first post-op appointment today. My incision is healing nicely and is almost completely closed up. Fabulous, other than the fact that it looks like I was stitched up with a rusty needle and dental floss by a contestant on Survivor during one of the immunity challenges. Seriously, I am going to have one ugly scar. I'm pretty sure they turned me over to a 23 year old medical resident to be stitched up and I think it was probably his first time. Lucky me. I'm a little hurt that they didn't look at me and think I might be a swim suit model who shouldn't have a big ugly scar on her back and stitch me up gently and with great delicacy and care. I'll bet they wouldn't have left some hot chick with a perfect body with this hideous scar. So ya, I'm a little bitter but I'll get over it.

When I told the doc I still have a lot of sciatic pain, he was surprised, which was NOT comforting. I expected him to say, "don't worry, that's completely normal", but he didn't. Long story short, he said it's possible the nerves were just so traumatized that it's taking them a long time to calm down. He told us my disc had broken off and was basically fused onto my nerve root by scar tissue. They had to peel off the scar tissue and dig out the disc material, which, he said was why the surgery was longer and more complicated then they had planned on. This was the first time I had heard any of this, so it was interesting.

He prescribed a new medicine that hopefully will help the sciatic pain and said to come back in two weeks. (The new medicine says on the bottle, "Call your doctor immediately if you have mental/mood changes, new/worsening feelings of sadness/fear, or thoughts of suicide." .....if my posts become more depressing, please notify the proper authorities.) As I sat in the lobby waiting for Jeff to pull the car up, I wondered if any of the people walking by felt grateful to be able to walk without pain. I'm sure I never did before this experience but I can assure you I will from now on. To be able to walk without pain, ahhhh. When I get it back, I hope I will never take it for granted again.

When we got home, I was feeling gloomy. Partly because I was in pain and partly because all the way home I sat contemplating what life would be like if the pain never went away. I decided I needed to have a serious conversation with God. I pray every day, but today I got down on my knees for the first time in 10 weeks. I used to kneel all the time, but it's been too painful and too hard to stand back up...so my recent prayers have been offered in the horizontal position. First, I expressed gratitude for access to a great doctor and good medical care. I thanked Him for sending guardian angels in the form of some incredible women and one very special man to watch over and take care of me in every way. I thanked Him and thanked Him for so very many things.

Then, I pleaded with Him to let this trial end....to take away the pain and let my life return to normal. To let me feel like a good wife and mother again. I made lots of promises to Him. I plan to keep them whether the pain leaves or not. But I really hope it goes.

Afterwards, I felt peace. Not perfectly peaceful, but enough. Enough to know that Heavenly Father knows me, He hears my prayers and He loves me. Suddenly, I was able to recognize progress. I realized that I am no longer in pain when I'm lying down. I also realized I can stand up for a good 10 minutes before the pain comes. I'm also getting around better without my cane (which is good because I feel ridiculous using it). Today I even went downstairs, put a few things away, and wiped the kitchen counters. That's HUGE! Progress, not perfection. Maybe that's one of the things I needed to learn from this whole fabulous adventure. I don't need to expect perfection. As long as I'm making progress, it's good enough. Slow and steady, baby steps....progress!

Cranky pants

I've been waiting to post until I wasn't unconscious from pain meds or completely depressed and/or depressing. In the last week, I've pretty much been one or the other at all times. I've decided a few things.

1. Nine weeks in bed is 8-1/2 too many.
2. I don't like being in pain.
3. I don't like the way pain medication makes me feel unless it renders me unconscious.
4. Loverboy is a nearly perfect husband in every way, but not a good hospital companion (more on that later).
5. I really don't like being in pain...did I already mention that?

That's more than a few things right? Because a few is three, correct? I've had this debate several times and I'm still quite certain a few is three. But I'm heavily medicated and can't be held responsible for anything I do or write right now. And I hope I don't misspell anything in my incoherence because I hate typos. But that's neither here nor there. Do you know how many published books I have found typos in? Almost every one I've ever read. They should hire me to be a proofreader. Not when I'm medicated though. Sorry, got side tracked.

I'm in love with my anesthesiologist because whatever he gave me during surgery helped me to avoid my usual 7-10 hours of vomiting after surgery. I don't even remember if he was a he. He could have been a she. Irrelevant! I don't remember who you are, but I still love you and if I ever figure out who you are, I will bake you some cookies....my best ones!

I'm sort of in love with my surgeon because he's awesome and I think he fixed my back (the jury is still out). But I'm a little sore with him because he made a much bigger scar....one that will clearly not be covered up by my swimsuit unless I get a nun swim suit (do nuns swim?) or start swimming in a mu mu. Really, how much more hideous can doctors make my body look? Four C-sections and now this?!? (I know I'm not going to get one ounce of sympathy from you in the scar department Chrissy!! You definitely win the scar contest). Some women, who shall remain nameless (unless you bribe me with some really good dark chocolate) go in for surgery and come out looking MUCH better if you know what I mean, wink wink. But oh no, not me. I just add to my collection of really hideous scars each time.

Because I'm a lame-o invalid right now, I could do nothing for Loverboy's birthday on Thursday. I cried about it all morning and then asked him if we could postpone it a couple of weeks. Because he's a total stud, he of course said yes. And because the party I planned for his 40th last year was SOOOO good, he really should still be on a high from it. Thank goodness his sweet mother and my friend Mi* saved the day. His mom brought us a delicious lunch and his favorite chips and salsa! She also stayed and talked to me and helped pass a couple of hours which is an invaluable service to me these days. Mi* went and picked up a birthday pie...his favorite, Key Lime AND my favorite, chocolate satin. Happy day!

Oh, back to my nearly perfect husband not being the best hospital companion. If he would have had Internet access, it might have been different but alas, it was not. Let's just say I wasn't much entertainment in my heavily sedated condition so he tried to entertain himself. Thankfully I can't remember it all but I remember the theft of a wheelchair and then multiple wheelies and tricks I'm sure aren't allowed. Then there's the classic blowing up the exam glove on his head. I NEVER laugh but he always thinks it's funny. Let's see, what else? Oh, using my medically prescribed "grabber" for grabbing body parts. Seriously! Lest you're wondering what a grabber is, it's what I use to put my undies on because I can't bend 1/2 an inch. It's also handy for picking things up to fling at people when they're annoying you. Oh and how could I forget his hysterical whisper into my ear as they wheeled me away, "remind them it's back surgery, not a breast reduction. You know how doctors mess things up sometimes." Hardee har har. Finally, I begged him to leave and my friends came to keep me company (for all the slurred, stimulating conversation I was). But the company was nice and it probably kept me from hurling my cane and possible fatally injuring one of my VERY annoying roommates on the other side of the curtain. Thanks Gi* and Mi*!

All in all, it's good to be home. I don't miss the hospital food or really ANYTHING about the hospital except for the IV meds. I'm done with this. My faith, patience, optimism....all of it, GONE. I'm trying to get it back, really I am. But I'm just so tired of hurting. I am so tired of hurting! I will adjust my attitude and post tomorrow when I'm not so darn cranky. I'm sorry. Goodnight.

Chocolate chips and my fifteen minute date

I have writer's block (so don't expect much) but I promised an update before I left for the hospital. That's pretty much the update....I'm going to the hospital....to have back surgery silly. I remember my back surgery from 10 years ago pretty well. It was quite miserable. I would probably chicken out except that everything hurts and I want it to stop hurting so I need to just get it over with. I will have been in bed for 8 weeks this Sunday. Enough is enough!

It's 11:24 p.m. and they told me I couldn't eat anything after midnight because of the anesthesia. That means I can't have breakfast which means I can't take my pain medication which means it's going to be a fun morning and drive to the hospital. My surgery isn't until 1:00 p.m. tomorrow. So tonight, to drown my sorrows, I'm going to eat chocolate chips until midnight. Not really. I mean about the sorrows, not the chocolate chips. I really am eating those until midnight. Yup, right now, at this very moment. One of my friends who knows me REALLY well brought me a bag the other day. Why mess with an expensive box of chocolates when I'm perfectly happy with a bag of chocolate chips right?

I guess it will serve me right if I get a bag of chocolate chips for my anniversary now.

Mi* and Di* (names withheld to protect my friends from being discovered and stolen by you because you want to have friends as unbelievably cool as mine) came over today and cleaned my room so it would be nice when I come home after surgery. Ahhh. It looks so nice. Things tend to pile up when you live in your bed. I've had to have all my files moved up to my room so I can pay the bills and lots of other things have accumulated too. Have you ever had anyone clean your room though?!? I'm not gonna lie, I was a little nervous they would find something embarrassing when they were crawling around pulling things out from under the bed. But alas, I got off pretty easy. The only incident was Keeks walking in with a tampon she had just unwrapped asking, "Mommy, what's this?" I told her to go ask Daddy. :)

And since we're speaking of Loverboy, guess what? I went on a date with him this week. A REAL date (sort of) somewhere besides our room. It only lasted for 15 minutes but it was pretty awesome nonetheless. We reclined the seat in the car, brought all my pillows and went out for Mexican food! I ordered from the car via cell phone (so I could lie down as long as possible) and then went into the restaurant after I received a call that the food was on it's way out. The waitress was a little confused and we just let her remain so. I sat for FIFTEEN whole minutes and ate my food. It hurt but was SO worth it!

Thanks to Mi*, I even had something cute to wear on my date. She showed up the other day with 10 sundresses she had purchased and told me I had to keep three and she would return the others (I know you wish she was your friend). She said there's no reason I can't look fabulous just because I lie in bed all day. She was right. I now lounge in my cute and comfy new dresses and I think I may even wear one on my date with Dr. Lee tomorrow. (Model's faces protected because they were makeup-less)

It's 11:59 p.m.. I put the chocolate chips away safely in my nightstand drawer and loverboy is softly snoring next to me. O.k., maybe not so softly but I don't want to embarrass him on my blog. But since I just did, I just have to tell you one funny thing. The other night I used my digital voice recorder to record his snoring because he never believes me when I tell him he snores. The next morning, I played it for him, he accused me of recording it off the internet, said there was no possible way that was him. Next time, I'll use the video camera! But come to think of it, hopefully my long nights of trying to entertain myself till 2 or 3 a.m. are almost over. He might just be off the hook. Night, night. Wish me luck.....

Room with a view....

Thought I'd share my current world views with you.

My room = my world.

Here's my view while lying on my right side. That's the side with the sciatic pain so I don't last there very long, maybe two or three minutes tops. I like this view though because there's a cute picture of me and loverboy on the table. It brings back happy memories when I look at it. It was taken on one of our cruises.....I was five months pregnant and happy to be on an amazing ship with my sweetheart eating pretty much non-stop and being able to blame it on "the baby".

The top two things I've day dreamed about in the last 6 weeks....

#1 - life just being normal again

#2 - going on a cruise

This is my most common view. Flat on my back, staring up. I like my ceiling fan because it keeps me cool. However, I've grown to dislike the texture on my ceiling. For the most part probably because I've spent more weeks than any human being should ever have to, just staring at it. It's that awful "orange peel" finish. I'm more of a "smooth finish" kind of girl. I've also spent a fair amount of time wondering why the architect of this home felt the need to add SOOOO many weird angles....everywhere, even on the ceiling. In spite of all it's weird angles though, I love this house. My last house was too "model home perfect". Too unlike me. This house is a work in progress, a little rough around the edges, needing constant work and upgrades. Not perfect, but warm and homey. Much more like me.

Here's the view from my left side....where I spend about 50% of my time. I like this view because I can see the swaying palm trees in the back yard and the pretty drapes my sis-in-law found on sale for me at Anthropologie when we first moved in. I like staring out the window, especially on sunny days. I love hearing the voices of the girls wafting up from the pool while they swim and play. I love hearing loverboy's office door close and hearing him walk towards the house in hopes that he's coming in for a quick visit. The left side is also the side HE sleeps on. So of course when he's here, it's always my favorite side to be lying on.

Here's the straight ahead view. Once in a while, I get wild and crazy and put my sore leg up on the knee of my non-sore leg. It feels good for a couple of minutes and then it hurts and I resume my normal, boring flat position. Come on, admit it. You're just a tiny bit jealous right?? Left side, right side, leg up, leg down...it's almost more excitement than the human mind can conceive. But right now it's my world....my room with its many views.