I miss normal

It's hard not to take life for granted when it's just going along normally. I certainly have. Who would think to be grateful for all those simple little things until they're gone or just not very simple any more? There probably are people who don't take normalcy for granted but I wasn't one of them. I'd like to think I'll never take any of these things for granted again but sadly I probably will. But hopefully not for a very, very long time.

I miss.....

going to church
standing up hugs
walking without pain
wearing shoes
luxurious showers
sitting in a chair
Saturday projects
going to the gym
walking to the mailbox
cooking dinner for my family
going on dates
walking out to loverboy's office and siting on his lap
picking up kee kees
driving (who knew I would miss it but I do)
feeling normal
dancing in the kitchen
late night frozen yogurt runs
going to the temple
independence....I miss it a lot.
going to the grocery store
peaceful sleep
helping others
the sense of accomplishment after a productive day
watching Dani ride her bike
watering my tomato plants

Six months from now if you see me trotting around taking life for granted, please smack me...HARD, REALLY HARD and remind me to be grateful for all those wonderfully normal little things in life.

Clean sheets

Tonight I took a shower. Trust me, that's an accomplishment. Ja* went and bought sheets for me today. I only had two sets. A winter set and a summer set. We didn't want to put the winter flannel sheets on and it's hard to wash the others and put them back on when you're laying on them all day. I explained this dilemma to my wise friend and in her clear logical mind, the solution was easy. Buy more sheets. Brilliant! Ahhhhh. Nice, new, clean sheets thanks to Ja*.

After my shower and the kids' baths, the girls came and climbed up on my nice clean bed for scriptures and family prayer. Everyone was here, clean, quiet and sweet.
It was magical. And for a moment I forgot my woes and life seemed perfect. Just for a moment I forgot the helplessness, the medicine, the pain and the sheer frustration and life felt like it was just two short weeks ago.

And then I realized that everything IS perfect. At least everything that really matters is. My husband, my sweet daughters all healthy, happy, together.....and clean sheets. What more could a girl want?

My two big outings.

I've been out of the house twice in 11 days now. And since I'm laying here unable to get comfortable, I thought I would distract myself by telling you about them. Poor you if you have nothing better to do then read about my exciting adventures right now.

My first and most exciting outing was to the 'open air' MRI. We reclined the car seat all the way back, placed some pillows strategically, stretched my legs up onto the dash board and with only a few moans, were on our way. Laying on a hard metal table being told not to move for 40 minutes is rough but at least I didn't have to be in the claustrophobic little tube. 'Open Air' is the only way to go. After 30 minutes of lying in a horrendously uncomfortable position, the technician came in to shoot dye into my veins and do some more x-rays. By this point, I was in a lot of pain and was trying to be brave but tears were trickling down my face and annoyingly into my ears. Yup, when you're laying completely flat, that's where the tears end up, in your ears. It's annoying. Loverboy stood holding my hand and then leaned over, kissed me on the cheek and sang into my ear the James Taylor song that was playing in the room except he was changing the words to fit with what was happening at that moment. I couldn't laugh but it was still sweet and as always left me wondering what I would do without him. (By-the-way, the results of the MRI show a herniated disc. L5 I think. The same one I herniated 10 years ago and had surgery to repair. Who knew you could herniate a disc twice? After a week and a half on steroids, the pain hasn't subsided and I fear I may soon start growing hair on my chest or developing large, bulging muscles. So, it's on to plan B....going to see a specialist on Friday...)

Memorial Day my family headed off to the church BBQ/swim party and I prepared to endure another day in bed, alone. The day was o.k. and when they all got home later and decided to head to the end of the culdesac for a neighborhood party that had just begun, I decided to be adventuresome and join them. I reasoned the fresh air would do me some good. I didn't want to make a scene so loverboy drove me four houses down (not conspicuous at all) and tossed a blanket under a shady tree and deposited me there and then ventured out to mingle.

Every now and then I'd see him talking to someone and point over in my direction, no doubt explaining that that pathetic heap over there was his wife. Later, out of pity I'm sure, one lady he'd been talking to came over and sat down and talked to me for awhile. Out of probably 75 people at the little street party, she was the only one who came over to visit me. Unless of course you count the 3 dogs who tried to come and pee on me. Apparantly I'd planted myself on the local neighborhood pee spot.

The first little guy came and sniffed me and then turned around and started backing in towards me. I don't know much about dogs but I knew that wasn't a good sign. I tried to push him away hoping his owner wasn't looking on at the crazy lady laying on the grass abusing his dog. The second smelly little thing followed a few minutes later, peed a mere inch from my blanket before I even knew what was happening, then turned and started to kick up grass on me (grass with pee on it I'm sure) as if trying to cover the evidence. After doggie number 3 showed up and lifted his leg, I had had it and called for my coach to take me home....back to the shelter of my cozy little room and my soft bed...with no one trying to pee on me.

Tender Mercies

One of the reasons I love being a Mormon beyond the most obvious one that it's the greatest source of happiness in my life next to my family, is that you have a built-in network of support, wherever you are and whenever you need it. Usually the help comes before you can even ask for it. It's like having a big huge awesome family in addition to your real big huge awesome family!

Last week, I hurt my back somehow. It started out as an annoyance and worsened daily until I was flat on my back in a lot of pain. Every morning that I woke up and realized it was worse and I was more unable to move was followed by a good cry into my pillow and then my morning prayer pleading with Heavenly Father to make the pain go away. I'm a Mom for crying out loud. I don't have time for this. Sure having to stay in bed for a day or two....sign me up! But for days on end? Just shoot me.

Trials stink. I think we can all agree on that. But I'm learning that some pretty cool things can come out of having to endure trials. Lucky for me, I have lots of time to lay around and ponder on the tender mercies mixed in with what feels like a huge trial in my life right now. I've been writing them down so I won't forget and so that I can read over them when I'm feeling sorry for myself.

Here are a few of the tender mercies I've experienced over the last ten days while staring at my ceiling.

• One friend brought over a supply of movies and reading materials and made time to just sit and listen to my feelings of helplessness over the current situation. I told her I wished there was a way I could rig up my laptop comfortably above me so that I could use it while laying flat which is the only way I'm comfortable. I was picturing it somehow hanging from ropes tied to my bed posts. I just wanted some access to the outside world and felt that I could at least do some things dealing with my church job and other obligations if I could at least use my computer. She went home and designed and built (in about 2 hours) a desk that sits across my lap which I can comfortably type on while laying completely flat in bed. SERIOUSLY, how cool is that?!? I have now been able to help research items for church girl's camp, send e-mails, read inspiring talks and stay in touch with friends and my cute church girls in spite of my nearly complete immobility. Another reminder that while God doesn't always answer my prayers exactly as I want Him to, WHEN I want Him to, He still hears me and is taking care of me.

• On a particularly hard, frustrating morning, I logged onto my e-mail to find an e-mail from a friend I hadn't talked to in awhile. She said she'd just "had the feeling" for days that she should call and see if I wanted to have lunch. Well, we did. She delivered it to me in bed and we sat and chatted for an hour. It was just what I needed that day, evidence of God's hand in my life.
• A husband who could be getting cranky that he's having to do his work and MY work but does it with a smile always and with an encouraging word and a daily pep talk. A man who isn't getting enough sleep because he lays awake trying to help ME sleep through the long, uncomfortable nights. And a man wise enough to ask me what Christlike attributes I'm learning when I'm crying for comfort and understanding. If Jeff isn't evidence of God's hand in my life, I don't know what is.
• How many people, without making a single phone call or request for help could have friends bringing in dinner several nights a week, taking and picking up kids, buying and delivering groceries, delivering produce that is cut up and bagged, doing laundry, laying in bed and watching a movie with me, helping me be o.k. with needing help, calling just when I really need to talk, taking Keeks on outings and meeting every need sometimes before I even realize there's a need? How amazing is it to belong to a church whose people serve constantly and willingly without any thought about repayment ever? I go to church with and have the privilege of being friends with a group of people who are real, living, walking, breathing reminders of the hand of God in my life.

Elder Robert D. Hales said, “Each of us must go through certain experiences to become more like our Savior. In the school of mortality, the tutor is often pain and tribulation, but the lessons are meant to refine and bless us and strengthen us, not to destroy us” (Ensign, May 2003, 17).

A quote from President Spencer W. Kimball comes to mind when I think of the hand of God in my life over the past 10 days. It says: "The Lord does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."

Thanks to all of you who have been instruments in His hands in watching over me.

Singing Myself to Sleep

Loverboy is in Brazil on business. Of course he'll be back by the time I actually post this entry. Like I'm really going to inform the whole free world that my husband is out of town WHILE he is out of town. Ha. I'm already completely skiddish, hearing too many little sounds at night to sleep peacefully and singing myself to sleep so that my mind can't wander to every horror movie I've ever seen. You know the ones where she's home alone, hears a sound and picks up a bat to walk down the creaky stairs into the dark while asking, "who's there?", "is anybody there?" What does she expect the intruder (there always IS one) to say, "Oh ya, it's just me, the boogie man. I'm here with my axe and chain saw. Could you come over here please so I can work my magic on you?!?"

See why I have to sing myself to sleep??

So ya, he's gone and I miss him. I rode 10-1/2 miles on the exercise bike this morning trying to release the tension from a fitful night's rest and then I had to do it. I've resisted up until now but come on, it's been 3 days. I couldn't help myself, I walked into his closet so I could smell him. It took me longer than normal to find a shirt with his scent. Most smelled of fabric softener or had no scent at all. I focused on the ones that looked like they've been worn once and accidentally sniffed the armpit of one. Eww, that was not the scent I was looking for. Then I found it, the shirt with his scent. Mmmmm. I buried it in my face and just inhaled. I love his scent.

I'm not even going to go into the dilemma of having no warm legs to thaw my frozen toes on in bed every night. Two more days and two long nights....

Beating the winter blues.

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression or winter blues, is a mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter repeatedly, year after year. The US National Library of Medicine notes that "some people experience a serious mood change when the seasons change. They may sleep too much, have little energy, and crave sweets and starchy foods. They may also feel depressed. Though symptoms can be severe, they usually clear up.

In order to avoid this scary disorder, here are some things our family is doing to get through these long California winters.

Kay Kay finds dancing eases feelings of depression.

Ash stays on her toes and lets the Doctor know if she's feeling anything unusual.

Loverboy and the little girls find that even in the most extreme conditions, it's good to get out in the wintertime. It's said that a little fresh air does the soul good.


A little exercise seems to help our girls keep their S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) in check.


Dani finds that letting loose and expressing her feelings helps too.

I haven't conducted a scientific study, but I'm pretty sure all of these things are helping my family cope with the winter blues.

Oh, and holding hands and kissing works wonders! Did you know it's been shown to lower the level of a chemical in the body known to cause stress and depression?

Oh, and living in paradise doesn't hurt either.

Here's to more winter nights.

Cute Quotes by Kee Kees...

Me: Keeks, how did you get to be such a beautiful dancer?

Keeks: "I practiced in heaven".

Keeks:
"Mommy, I put toilet paper in my shirt to be a queen because queens have puffy breasts."

I've Been Thinking...

Dear Friends and Family,
I was just wondering...do you read my little sisters blog? If not, you should. She's a comedic genius. In fact, I'd recommend her blog over mine any day. Check it out: Acte Gratuit.

Enjoy!
--Laura

Laura Here...can any one tell who got my password and logged onto my blog today? She IS funny, I'll give her that. Comedic genius might be a bit of a stretch. But I do love you little sis.

Happy Valentine's Day

O.k., so I still haven't blogged Christmas and I'm doing Valentine's. Yeah, yeah. Stop whining. I'll get to it eventually....probably.

Valentine Breakfast

This is what the girls call "Mommy's Delight". It's basically pancakes with ice cream and whip cream. I know, I know...all that sugar in the morning. That's why it's only for special occassions like VALENTINE'S DAY. Besides, they're whole wheat flap jacks which surely makes up for the ice cream. Right?



Of course loverboy gets a special one, hold the ice cream but heavy on the whip cream. (Yes, he added A LOT more.)

Click above to see my low budget Valentine gift for loverboy.

Ahhhh...heat.

My lover boy is sleeping in the back of his truck tonight. He's on a scout campout down at the beach. Why is a man with four daughters on a scout overnighter, you may ask?!? The fact that he has four daughters is PRECISELY why he's on a scout overnighter. Sure he's going to have a horrible night's sleep, but he gets to eat one of my famous tin foil dinners cooked on the campfire, go for a surf, sit around talking with males and belching or whatever it is they do at scout campouts. He drove away in his truck loaded with treats, surfboards, sleeping bags and 4 scouts...he was glowing.

Oh, so back to the heat. Since Jeff and I have very different internal thermostats, I am usually cold while he is usually hot. The only exception to this in (almost) 17 years of marriage was when I was pregnant and we were both hot. SOOO, often when I turn the heat on, he will go turn it off. We're trying to save money so I've been very disciplined at letting myself freeze every day to keep the electricity bill down. The fact that I grew up in Utah should make me hearty enough to handle a cool winter day in California. But let's just say I'm not the girl I used to be. I'm thoroughly and completely a wimpy Californian now and I don't like being cold. BUT, I walk around most days bundled up from head to toe to stay warm in my 63 degree house (while it's 70-75 degrees outside). My fingers are ALWAYS cold and sometimes can't function because of numbness. And without Jeff's warm legs to stick my frozen toes between in bed, I may just lose a digit or two tonight.

So, with my dearly beloved away, I decided to treat myself to HEAT. Ah yes, the thermostat is all the way up to 70 and my fingers are so toasty that I decided to catch up on my blog! Oh, I'm not that extravagant...I'll turn it off before bed and pile my three comforters on top of me, drape my heating pad over my side and shiver myself to sleep to dream about tomorrow night, when my human heating pad will be home with me again.