Daydreaming

I've been lovingly reprimanded several times for not posting anything on my blog for the last few days. After all, "it's not like you don't have any time" someone said. I can't argue with that one, I have nothing BUT time. After awhile though, even the enjoyable things like watching movies and blogging grow wearisome. I know you don't believe me, but it's true. And another thing - I think Vicodin gives me writer's block. Really. But writing is therapeutic for me so I'm going to try to do better.

One friend sent me an e-mail last week saying, "Bless you for documenting this journey and for staying grateful in spite of these challenges. As I go around doing my daily chores I'm remembering you and trying to be grateful that I can do them." Another friend asked if I would use my blog for updates so she would know what's going on without having to bother me. OK, OK, I'll try to do better. At least while I'm still down. Once I'm better, I'm sure I'll go back to neglecting my blog for months on end. But for now, I'll try.

Today I was daydreaming about going to the gym. I'm not one of those people who is obsessed with working out and loves it. I'm not and I don't. But I do like the way I feel after I've had a good workout. So today I was daydreaming about how good it would feel to be sweaty, tired, out of breath, with sore muscles and a sense of accomplishment. Don't get me wrong, I still experience all of those sensations, just not in the same way.

I run out of breath walking up the stairs on my once daily trip downstairs. I know....pathetic. I feel tired at 2 am when I can't sleep. I have sore muscles from laying in the same position all day. Who knew you could get sore doing absolutely nothing, but you can. But I do have a sense of accomplishment after I've done something hard like taking a shower or putting in a load of laundry. Baby steps.

I also daydreamed about flying to Utah today. There was a fare special on Delta. $69 each way. I wish I could fly up there and help my Mom pack. She's getting ready to leave on a mission for our church for 18 months. My Mom, who was recently diagnosed with Leukemia, is leaving the comforts of home to go to the Dominican Republic with her new husband for a year and a half to serve others. If anyone was entitled to a pity party, it's her. But instead of feeling sorry for herself, she's cheerfully packing her life into boxes to set off with two suitcases and a lot of faith onto a new adventure. She's a pretty amazing woman.

I was talking to my Mom the other day and she was telling me about her two back surgeries. The first time, when I think I was about 4 years old, she was down for 2 months and had a lamenectomy. Then, a year later her spine collapsed and she had to go in for a spinal fusion when my little sister was only ONE. That time she was down for SIX months....with a one year old and three other children. She told me the ladies from church helped her out just like they're helping us. I can't imagine being down for as long as she was. But we're both remarkably lucky to have such a strong support system.

So here's the update: Still in bed, still bored, still frustrated but also still very grateful.

I just got a call from the spine doctor and thanks to a call from my primary care doctor, who convinced them that I need to be seen sooner than June 22nd, they're going to see me in the morning!! Hallelujah! Dr. Payne, (yeah, that's really his name) YOU ROCK!! Don't tell me prayers aren't heard! I've never been so excited to go to a Doctor's appointment. Ever.

Things are pretty good. I allow myself 10 minutes a day to feel sorry for myself and the other 23 hours and 50 minutes, I try to focus on all I have to be grateful for. And trust me, there's a lot. As trials go, mine is pretty low on the scale. I spend a lot of time playing the "it could be worse" game. It puts things in perspective. I can think of about 10,000+ ways my situation could be worse. There are so many people out there struggling with truly horrendous things. Having a little trial of my own has helped me feel even more compassion for them and made me even more determined to serve others when I'm able again.

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, Mi* brought me two delicious sack lunches and wrote me a sweet, comforting note, Le* brought me another batch of her magical brownies with special healing power (she brings them every week), Di* took Keeks for a playdate and came and visited with me, Gi* took Keeks to run errands and then picked up all the kids from school (which she's done every day for weeks now), Ju* kept Keeks for the entire day yesterday and then brought us dinner. One of my sweet girls from church, Er* came to visit me and stayed and talked for an hour. Ja* and An* came and cleaned my house, even the toilets. It's painful laying in bed while friends clean your toilets. Sa* brought us an impromptu dinner and muffins, loverboy has brought me meals in bed, filled my water jug, changed the sheets, helped me get dressed, fought the evil HMO, listened to me, talked to me, loved me and been my knight in shining armor. The girls have been patient with me, brought me things, snuggled with me, made me get well cards and posters and prayed for me. Countless others have called or e-mailed to check in on me too. Experiencing such service and kindness in such a short period of time makes it hard to feel sorry for yourself for too long.

Now I'm day dreaming about the day when I can do for others what they've done for me. That will be a happy day.