Perspective

Yesterday was a little rough. I went in for my second epidural. This time they sedated me so it was much easier than last week's. But I came home and dealt all day and night with the migraine that comes when they mess with your spine. Most women who have had an epidural or spinal have probably experienced it. Give me back pain over a migraine any day. I hate having headaches.

At bed time I started feeling really hot and when I stood up to go to the bathroom my heart started racing and I felt like I couldn't breath. Between that and the migraine I just sort of lost it and came back to bed crying......o.k., sobbing. Loverboy went and got a cool cloth for my head and started talking to me to try and distract me from the pain. He gave a play by play of the last cruise we went on together. He described everything in depth right down to the temperature of the room and the long nap we enjoyed on that first day. It was a nice distraction.

Then he talked about the first time he kissed me and when he knew he was in love with me. He talked about the pants I was wearing the first time he saw me. It would probably seem odd that 20 years later he still remembers what pants I was wearing were it not for the fact that what he first noticed about me was my tush. Apparently I rode my bike right up to the apartment building in front of his family room window where he happened to be standing....lurking. He freely admits it. Sadly, it wasn't my charming personality or my sweet spirit that caught his eye but my bum. Yup, that's the stuff good relationships are made of.

We talked until 1:00 a.m. We talked about that come September, I will have known him for longer than I haven't. He will have been a part of my life for OVER half my life. Then we talked about growing old together and how we would feel on our 60th anniversary. We talked about serving missions together and spoiling our grand kids and taking them on trips to Europe. He talked about our relationship being a tree with deep, strong roots that has, and will yet weather many storms. We talked about some of the hard things we've been through together and how they've made us stronger. And he talked about how this current trial would make us stronger still. He told me how proud he was of me for being strong and faithful. I don't feel like I always am so it was comforting to hear that he does.

I've been in bed for six weeks now. It's getting harder and harder to picture life ever being normal again. I think deep down I know it will be but I try to day dream about it and it's getting harder to conjure up the images now. The other day I decided I was going to go down and make dinner for my family. I was determined. I walked down stairs, pulled out the recipe book and stood at the kitchen counter for about a minute before the pain set in too strong and I gave up and walked back up to bed. I miss taking care of my kids and making dinner for my family. I miss it all so much.

This morning I read a blog that a friend told me about. It's written by a mother who's children have some very serious health problems. Hearing losses, tumors, constant tests and trips to the hospital. Another close friend of mine is dealing with breast cancer right now. Another has a son with special needs that requires her constant care and unbelievable amounts of work and patience. Two of my dear friends are raising their children alone, because of husbands who broke covenants and now offer little support, financial or otherwise. I have friends who have lost children. I cannot even imagine going through that. No matter what our trials are, it seems we can find someone with more challenging ones with no effort at all. In the end, they say that if everyone piled up their problems, and had the chance to pick from the pile, they'd end up choosing their own. I don't know if everyone would agree with that or not. But I'm convinced that Heavenly Father wants us to learn from the trials that come our way. That if we let them, they will make us better and stronger. God didn't promise a life free of trials and hardships but He does promise to be by our side to help us through them.

I am truly blessed and I pray for those who are struggling with trials so much more challenging and life altering than my own. I'm so grateful for perspective.

"Be kinder than necessary for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."