Stuff

It's Friday and I'm off to the hospital for my epidural. I'm trying not to get my hopes up but I want it to work in the worst way. Please pray for me!!

So here's the post I wrote last weekend but never got around to posting:

Friday I had a frustrating visit to the "pain management clinic". After an hour in their office asking me my medical history since birth, they sent me home in pain. What kind of a pain management clinic sends their patients home in pain I ask?!? Please do not dismay though (as I did), they DID send me home with the hope that if my HMO comes through for me this time and actually approves the request in a timely manner, I maybe, possibly, potentially could have authorization by NEXT Friday (yes, a full 7 days away) at which time I could get an epidural injection.....which maybe, possibly, hopefully may or may not take the pain away. Hooray for pain management! Wouldn't it be fun if I had a little device that allowed me to transfer my pain to someone just for an hour or two? I've often wondered if I could let them walk in my shoes (or in my case, lay in my bed) for an hour or two if they would feel more compassionate and help to push things through a little more quickly. I suppose it's not any nicer to wish my back pain on someone than it was to wish the pain of child birth on Loverboy. I just wanted to give him a little taste. Is that cruel?

Shouldn't there be some benefit to pain? Being in pain takes a lot out of you. Doesn't it seem like being in pain should at least burn a lot of calories or something? Seems especially harsh to have to lay here day after day in pain while my muscles disintegrate and I turn into a big, soft marshmallow. I am not looking good people. Luckily I don't spend much time in front of the mirror because it requires standing up. If I did, I might be depressed. I have big bags under my eyes which is interesting since I do nothing but lay in bed. I can't get my hair done which means that gray hairs may start sprouting at any moment. If I have to be a marshmallow with bags under my eyes AND gray hair, it might send me over the edge. Just warning you, a girl can only take so much.

Sunday night, Loverboy had some friends over for a BBQ. I think he did it to lift my spirits. He claimed it was all about him but he had to sacrifice his Sunday nap to prepare so I know it was for me. I asked him what he would serve and he told me not to worry because he had it all under control. (Tater tots and beans were the side dishes. Awesome!) He bought me an outdoor lounge chair and set it up on Saturday so I could lay outside and have a change of scenery. This might seem like a small thing but I can assure you it was not. I have been outside several times now to lay in my chair and it is amazing. I got to watch my kids run around the yard giggling and having fun and I felt little like a normal Mom for awhile. Sunday I layed outside, eating, visiting with friends and laughing. It felt so good.

My cute sis-in-law brought me a gift. Some yummy snacks, a 'Nora Jones' c.d. and some cute pajama pants. If I have to lay in bed all day turning into a marshmallow with no make up and matted hair, I can at least wear cute pajama bottoms, right?!? And they are oh-so-cute and comfy too. I'm wearing them right now and they're even long enough. I'm 5'9". That's not exactly amazonish and yet it's surprisingly hard to find pj's that are long enough for my legs. Thanks LeLe! At least I'm now a marshmallow dressed in cute pj's, listening to some great new tunes (man, I love her voice).

Another thing that made my weekend was church via cell phone. A friend of mine who seems to have a direct line to heaven and often is the answer to my prayers as soon as they arrive in the heavenly in-box, had the brilliant idea to take her cell phone and put in on "speaker phone" at church this weekend. This weekend was a special conference that Mormons have twice a year where we meet together as a stake (the five local congregations) and our local leaders speak to us. The meetings are always wonderful and very uplifting. I was so disappointed that I was going to miss it and having not been to church for a month now has been hard for me. I got to lay in bed and listen to the whole meeting on my speaker phone. It was awesome and inspiring and so very needed. Church gives me what I need to get through the coming week and I feel like I need it now more than ever and I haven't had it. Of course I have plenty of ways to get spiritual upliftment at home, in the scriptures, in books and through music. But there's something about going to church and being surrounded by people you love, who love you, who would do anything for you, and do. A recent convert to the church who spoke in the meeting Sunday said, "LDS people are a people who care and a people who do." It's true. I miss being around them. That's what I've been craving. And even though I wasn't with them, I felt like I was. Hearing the familiar voices, listening to words of hope and inspiration was just what I needed.