Me- "Will you please print this letter out and go find the dog who barks incessantly and read him my letter....preferably in a loud, angry voice?"
The hubby- "what dog?
Me- "The dog that barks all day long. Haven't you heard it?"
The hubby- "no."
Me- "Ha. That one. He's barking right now. He's always barking"The hubby gets distracted and leaves the room.
So....if anyone else wants to go find 'incessantly barking dog' and reprimand him for me and teach him some manners about how to behave when someone is trying to recover from back surgery, I'd greatly appreciate it.
Dear dog who barks incessantly,
Do you not know that I already really dislike dogs in general (blame it on my Mother) and that by barking constantly, you are not helping my feelings about you and your kind. I already think it’s disgusting that you lick and slobber on people. Don’t even get me started about the fact that you poo on people’s front lawn and just leave it there!!!! You then take that bum that just did its business (without being wiped) and lay it down on someone’s carpet or couch. Seriously?!?
Can you not understand that I’ve been through a lot in the last week and that I could use a little peace and quiet? Do you not care that my pain medication amplifies sound tremendously and makes it sound like you are standing on my bed (with your dirty behind no less) barking in my ear?? Arghhhhh!
Do you really think that your big problem of having a little white furry bunny hopping through your back yard is more pressing than me getting a little rest after back surgery for pity sakes?!? I mean it!!! What about your life is so traumatic that you must sit and bark about it all day long? If anyone has reason to be barking it’s me for crying out loud and you don’t hear me doing it now do you?!?! So cut it out. I’m serious. I’ve had with you and your barking. Man up or move on out.
P.S. I think you smell really, really bad when you’re wet and I hope you’re happy that you’ve ruined any chance my children ever had of having a pet….EVER. All of this grief and annoyance from “man’s best friend”…HA!
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3 comments:
Love it! I feel the same way about dogs, probably because both my Dad and Mom. And Kathie being ridiculously allergic. I am sorry about your back surgery! My back is giving me a whole lot of grief today, so I can't even imagine all you have been through. Hang in there. And get someone to go tell that dog!!
Lala, do you send jeff over to tell them. I send Rainy to tell them when I can' sleep and offer cookies to take their dogs in, but I am deemed crazy for this and asked why I just don't go to the basement.
Well I don't go to the basement because this is my dream home and after having surgery (realize mine is a while ago, but it makes me need the same bed). I want to rest in my bed. My bed... not the guest bed. No offense to anyone who uses our guest bed, but is it completely unreasonable?
I hope your back is finally finally on to a recovery.
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